when goodbye means forever

ini barulah tamak.

nak post berentri entri dalam satu hari.

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these are some of my entries in tumblr.

going to delete it now.

goodbye rainbow. :)

btw, thanks for people yang baru follow or dah lama follow.

anda boleh terus follow saya di sini.

satu satunya benda yang saya tak kan delete.

i guess so.

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Here goes nothing.

Chase, and Kimmie.

He was 15 and I was 13.

Okay, so I was 12… but 13 sounds a little better.

I don’t care what anyone thinks or says, because our love was real, no matter how young we were.

He showed me..true happiness. And that I was really worth something. He made me smile so hard it hurt. I know that God brought us together. He was really smart and I was spacey and in my own world. He loved that though. I felt protected by him, and special. He was a vegetarian but said he would cook meals with meat for me. He was sincere and honestly the “coolest guy you’d ever meet.”

He got sent to Juvenile Hall for a month for fighting.

I remember the night before he left. He packed 8 pictures of me and promised me that no matter what might happen over the 30 days, that he would love me no matter what.

He got out and broke my heart. Said ‘I Love You’ were simply words that fell out of his mouth and he didn’t mean it. The next day I moved to New York where I didn’t have internet for a couple months. I thought about him all the time. Obviously. When I finally did get internet, I looked him up and we started talking. He apologized and we became ‘friends.’

I honestly thought he didn’t want me back. I was hurt and needing him but I played along with the ‘best friends’ lie.

A month or so after we started talking, he committed suicide. I was the last person he talked to. I didn’t even know that he was dying while IMing with me. But he was acting weird and I messaged my other friend telling her to get someone over to his house.

I found out the next morning.

Turns out, 2 days after he broke up with me, he wanted me back….but thought I deserved better.

I really loved him.

My friend Josh typed his note to me out.

dear kimberly marie- i know that you will never fully receive this note, but i wrote for every one that counts and you most definateley count. though i know i already apologized- i want you to know im sorry. i hurt you and broke a beautiful heart that never deserved breaking. you truly are one of the most amazing things that ever happen to me. your beautiful kim. not only on the out side, but the inside. your strong and smart and i believe in you that you can do anything. you truely did change my life. you showed me what it was to love. and i will always adore you for that. i love you kimmie marie. and im sorry for the pain i caused you. i hope that you can remember me not for that, but for the fun conversations we had late at night when you would say just the right thing to make me smile so hard it hurt. all i want you to remember from me is this- hold on to your dreams, cuz at one point, they are going to be all you have. fight for what you want kim. and it will come to you. i have faith in you. i hope you find exactly what you are looking for in this life. think of me from time to time. i love you….p.s- remember that promise you made me when we were together? keep it, for me.

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jared padalecki

i love him because his hair never stay still; i'm drooling. haha.

they said; hanis enough lah. tak payah berangan. he’ll juz be there in your little buble.

i said; can i ask him to marry me? :)

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tommorow just doesnt seems to matter.