let's hope to die

ohooo. mari kita lepak saja.

hello people. i survived this week at office. too many work but i still sempat main Nightclub City di Facebook. hahah. thanks to Cik Hawa and Cik Alem because selalu berjaya menghasut saya. yesssss. ;DD back to my office work, fuhhhhhhh. gila banyak wei. the thing is, i kena buat resume untuk board members. mana laaaaa saya tau hobi mereka apa. padan muka saya letak semua reading. hahh. baca lah kau banyak banyak. hahaha.

oh ya ya ya,

did i mention that i got to the second stage of the MEDSI interview?
*keningkening*


however, kenapa tah rase macam biasa saja. nak kata happy sangat pon tak, takot gila pon tak, berdebar pon tak, kecewa pon tak; feelinglesss.

oh come on hanis, this was your ultimate dream dari dulu kan?!!!
yes indeed.

i like to teach since i was small. dulu masa kecil, mama ada tadika sendiri. Tadika Muhibah at Cheras. so me and abang belajar kat tadika sendiri until masok pimary school. at the age of three, i already knew ABC and 123. pretty much a fast learner kid BUT during those days masa kecik laaa. sekarang dah besar, otak dah penuh dengan macam macam. sebab tu tak muat nak letak subject lain. heeee. so dalam class, saya selalu blagak macam taiko besar. jalan jalan dalam class pegang rotan. cehh bajet hebat. tak penahnya nak dengar cakap cikgu. well the teacher is my mom and the headmistress is my nenek kan. so buat ape nak takot. haha. gila spoil brat wey. besides, i'm the class monitor. hahh gila kuasa lah i. konon macam kalau monitor class boleh pukul pukul anak orang. *and trust me, at that age, i really whack people yang tak tahu baca* how's that for a pretty much mean young girl. and during that time, saya selalu tunjuk pandai ajar murid lain ABC and 123. really feel happy when they get to learn it and say thank you kakak. *cehh padahal sebaya. see how garang i am* after that moment, saya terus fall in love dengan teaching profession. terharu betol bila mereka faham and say, "hanis yang ajar". awwwwwwwwwwwww. :' )

since that, i selalu volunteer nak tutor orang. sape sape tak faham can ask me. tapi tu lah. they have to be extra patience with an unpatience teacher like me. haha. yang selalu kena adik adik lah. yang adik form 1 tanya fraction. kan dah kena buat latihan fraction banyak banyak. adik standard 1 pulak kena buat latihan tulis A dengan U banyak banyak. heee. masa high school, i was assigned to be a mentor. i have my own students about 8 people. i have to teach math, physics, add math and english for every tuesday, wednesday, and thursday. and that time, i was known as the most garang mentor because i carry a hanger every time i tutor them. hahh cukop garang tak?! hahahaa. tapi tulah, garang garang pon, my students getting more and more. adelaaa dalam 10 to 15 people. heeee. and for that, i got an honour certificate from school. :)
and bila masok university, ambil major in teaching, dah jarang orang tanya tanya. yelaaa banyak lagi yang lagi pandai. yang kau ni kelas pon tak masok. haha. cuma adelaaa few times ajar tyra and shasha buat writting. heee tu pon kadang kadang kena marah. tyra selalu kata, "hanis, i tak faham laa. i ni slow siket. u jangan laa marah" haha. i tak marah lah babe, i sayang kot kat u. heeee.

so ever since, i always wanted to be a teacher. nak jadi stewardess, pendek sangat. lalalaalalalala. tapi tu lah. the question is, boleh ke i jadi pendidik? hahh. that is a huge word to carry.

pendidik for our future generation, future leaders.

well i really really doubt my self. saya ni siapa; budak hingusan yang suka main main, cursing people, sm****g, merapu tak tentu hala. hmmmffftttt. never thought i'll go this far. ingatkan ini just a dream-never-come-true ambition macam supermodel, superstar, pronstar semua tu. okey pornstar maybe not. heee. lihat, itulah yang saya cuba maksudkan. saya, hanis binti mohamad fahmy, a teacher?! ohooooooo. i cant even bear it myself. saya selalu dapat reaksi yang tidak menggalakkan bila beritahu cita cita murni saya. "ha? kau nak jadi cikgu ke hanis? ahahahaahhaha. tak boleh doe, rosak anak murid kau" or " kau nak jadi cikgu ape? cikgu ajar macam mane nak merumput? hahaahahaha" or even better, "aku tak nak doe hantar anak aku belajar ngan kau"

hmmmmm, see. i know so.
tapi tak apa, jangan rasa bersalah, saya tahu saya memang tak layak.
i cant even didik diri sendiri, macam mana nak didik anak orang.
kan? kan? kan? kan?
SEBAB ITU SAYA TAK NAK PON ADA ANAK SENDIRI.
*sigh*

that's why until now, i have not prepare anything for the interview. i tak ada sijil muet, slip muet, sijil spm, Asasi trankript, i know nothing pasal education hystory, education politics, kementerian kementerian all that, current issues and i dont know what to think. what to feel anymore. i dont even know what i want to be. hahh. and the interview is next week on 20. hahahahaaha. great. just great. memang terbaek dari ladang wey. the best part is, until this moment, i still tak decide wether nak pergi atau just cut off the interview. damn it hanis. :(

i'm going one step closer to my dream ambition

tapi lihat betapa miserable nya saya?
for now, i'm just crossing my finger.
XOXO


my sister gave me a leopard printed personal file with my name printed on it.
just to cheer me up. thanks sis.